This is the first time I’ve given in to NaNoWriMo, but I embraced it as an opportunity to kickstart my writing again. I’ve been writing since I was able to hold a pencil. I started my first novel at eleven and gave up after about 20 hand-written pages. I was overwhelmed by the size of the effort. I switched to poetry because I could finish something in a day. Then I wrote short stories and in college I studied playwriting and screenwriting as well. I’ve written a great deal personally and my civilian career has evolved around all things writing, but I had never tried the novel since that first attempt.

So, to honor that (still) inner child, I decided that now was a good time — what pandemic wouldn’t be? — to give it another shot. The goal for NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words, the (somewhat) accepted minimum size for a novel in 30 days. My goals were to answer the following questions: Can I write every day for 30 days straight? (Yes!) Can I write 50,000 words in a month? (Yes!) Could I write at least 1667 words every day to reach that total? (Yes, try 1800.) How many words could I write in 30 days? ( How about 54K?)

It wasn’t that hard but I did have to make choices. I got up early every day and wrote for two hours before starting work. I was forced to neglect television and social media but I got music back as a result.

But I have another questions: Can I finish the novel? I’m about two-thirds or three-fifths through the structure now. Can I keep writing?

I’m not worried about publishing. If I think it’s worth reading, I’ll try to make it better. If it gets better, I’ll try to find a home for it. But I’m OK if all I ever do is sit down every day as an author and tell myself stories. I miss playing. I need to play for my mental health. When I’m not creative, I find myself anxious and depressed. People always said to write for yourself and I’ve realized that, no, I need to write for my self.